Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
