did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
