Ambien. No doubt about it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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