i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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