we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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