a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
