I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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