I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
