I cut my penus on the lid.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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