he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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