I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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