His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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