I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize