my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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