Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
