I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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