Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You took a bar mat shot.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
