I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
