Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
