The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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