So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
