Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
