We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
