So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize