I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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