I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
