i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
