I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
try to milk me bitch
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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