i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
