how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
