It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
not ubering you a puppy
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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