Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
