What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
