when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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