Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
