he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
