Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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