can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
