dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
