i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
