Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
