Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jger and an empty bed here Friday.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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