he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
