He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can text with my tongue
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
