don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
