I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
