isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
