I just pynch a tree in the face
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
