Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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