Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
