my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize
