Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
