even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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