If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize