It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
