saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
