hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
