i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
