I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
