I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize