I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
