walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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