just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
